When walking around in any grocery store, it's considered polite to let the handicapped, the elderly and women with small children go before you, Mr. or Mrs. Regular Customer. For a grocery store employee, the code is a little more complicated than that. The sequence of who gets priority goes a little something like this:
- Handicapped with service dogs
- Handicapped in motorized carts
- Pregnant woman in her 3rd trimester
- Self-important SOB from nearby Island Community because, goodness knows, they own the very air we are privileged to breathe.
- Handicapped not in motorized carts
- and/or confused
- Mother with a child who needs to go potty RIGHT NOW
- Mother with a child who needed to go potty a moment ago and is now a wet, embarrassed, bawling mess
- Pregnant woman in her 2nd trimester
- Mother with an infant
- Mother with a 2-year-old
- Rogue 2-year-old
- 60-something woman with long gray hair and a blindingly pink velour track suit--don't look directly at the track suit!
- Customers who dawdle along, oblivious to anyone else in the world, sniffing all the handmade soaps and trying out the backscratchers with no concern whatsoever for the other people who exist in the same space and have either shopping or a job to do . . .
- Regular customers
- Employees taking out the garbage
Today, however, I made an executive decision and amended the rules. The card that trumps them all, the situation, no matter who is in the aisle and with what infirmity, that outweighs all other situations is: Employee Carrying Bag of Vomit.
Could my job *be* any more glamorous?