When I realized Hubby was having some fun with me by searching for new wife candidates, I figured I'd help out by narrowing down the prospects.
One thing we figured out right away is that women don't post photos of themselves in these ads nearly as often as men do.
I scrolled down the list of hopefuls. Hubby blurted, "Hey wait, click on that one--there's a picture!"
"Nope," I firmly responded.
"But why?" he sounded so dejected.
"Because she's only 28! You don't get to have anyone under 30."
He was speechless at my dictatorial command. heh heh
Quickly bored by the lack of interesting nominees, I changed the search parameters a bit.
Which is to say, I started checking out the guys.
Know what's interesting about men who post personal ads on craigslist? They also post photos. Lots of photos. Many of them post photos of their best features. Or what they consider to be their best features . . .
And so, in the interest of public service, I offer:
If you are a man placing a men-seeking-women ad on craigslist and you insist on posting an up-close-and-personal shot of your manly parts, here are a few simple rules of thumb.
- Do not take the picture of yourself while in the bathroom. There are many, many reasons for this rule, chief among them is that if you're closed in your bathroom to take a picture, one imagines that you aren't alone in the house. Otherwise, why the need for privacy? And if you're not alone in the house, what kind of dog are you posting a personal ad on craigslist?
- If, for whatever reason, you must shut yourself in the bathroom to take a photo of your Soldier of Love, crop the photo so that the viewer cannot see your pants and underwear around your ankles. Nothing says "classy guy" like seeing pants and underwear shrouding your ankles while you take naked pictures of yourself. In the bathroom. Seriously.
- Again, if a natural disaster forces you to stage a photo shoot of your junk in the bathroom, in the name of all that is right and good, do not sit on the toilet. Images of toilets do not arouse women. Just no.
- And if you're smart enough not to sit on the toilet while arranging the perfect Still Life of Meatballs and Sausage, do not in anywise capture the toilet in the photo. It bears repeating images of toilets do not arouse women. Just no.
- That photo that you have of your ex performing lasciviously? DO NOT POST THIS PHOTO WITH YOUR 'HELP WANTED' AD. Seems like it should go without saying, doesn't it? But I'm saying . . .
- No matter how good or bad your picture is, use spellcheck before posting. If you're already going to put yourself out there as the kind of guy who thinks uploading portraits of Peter The Great is an appropriate way to lure the love of your life, don't make the mistake of also appearing stoopid. To wit:
"not looking for eney drama"
"i need some people too chat with"
"my spelling it suck's sometimes and my gramer needs work too" [Okay, at least this guy knows and admits his limitations.]
And one final note, guys: It's not just lonely women looking for life partners who are perusing craigslist ads. There are also husbands and wives who are sitting at their computers, scrolling through the scores of ads and giggling their faces off at what you all think are seriously suave attempts to beguile the woman of your dreams. You might want to think it through a bit.
I'm just sayin' . . .