Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My life is beginning to resemble a Rodney Dangerfield bit. And I have a blackbelt in guilt.

Rodney Dangerfield was one of my husband's all time favorite comedians. I married a man who reveres Rodney Dangerfield? There is, as the saying goes, no accounting for taste . . .

Today at work, the tall, slender, pretty girl pharmacist and the slim technician with the nice rack were both looking at me. Said the willowy girl pharmacist while gazing in my direction, "I'd give anything for that body." "Yeah," the tech concurred.

They were talking about my hair.

Also, a couple days ago I wrote what I thought was a touching tribute to my mom's unflappable spirit and the giving heart of a teacher. It garnered almost no comments. Today I opened up my mail to find--yay!--another comment!

The comment was via robot. The equivalent of junk mail. But worse. Because it was from an escort service . . .

You see where this is going, yes?

No respect.

Beautiful has asked me a couple times lately whether I could help her out by taking Lily for a couple hours. As much as I love to be with that baby, I've had to say no. I'm knee deep in Christmas projects and social events and work. And really that's no excuse for not making time for my grandbaby, but I can only do what I can do.
This morning on the phone Beautiful asked me, "Do you not like Lily anymore? You used to beg me to let you have her for the afternoon and now you don't want to be with her at all."
I was stung. Of course I like Lily. That child is the apple of my eye! I explained that it has pained me to say no--that I want to spend time with Lily and I want to be helpful to Beautiful, but that the timing has been awful for me. Beautiful let it go at that.
Hours later I called her back. "I realized another reason that I've been saying no to taking Lily with me," I said.
"Still feeling guilty about that, are you?" she joked.
"No--it's not guilt, but I had to really think about why it hasn't been working out, and honestly it's because of the carseat. Now that she's in the bigger carseat and it's either pouring rain or 16 degrees out, I'm reluctant to stand out in the weather in a parking lot for 20 minutes trying to contain a 14 month old while buckling her carseat into my car. And that is actually a huge part of the reason I've been unable to take care of Lily when you just don't feel like taking care of her yourself."
Beautiful was speechless from the poison dart of that last phrase.
"See that?" I asked. "Did you like how I turned that around to make you the one to feel completely unnecessary and groundless guilt? Yes, I do hold a blackbelt in guilt." heh heh


CSY said...

You know, I think its ingrained in mothers...the whole guilt thing. Be it having it or giving it to your children. My mother is a guilt PRO!!!

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Whitenoise said...

Guilt... is that a new Olympic sport? ;-)

And Rodney- well, he made Back To School- a very cool movie. :-)

country mouse said...

CSY--I already love your mom! Yeah, it's ingrained. I think it comes with the chromasomes : )

No, Captain, they couldn't make it an Olympic Sport because the judges couldn't determine a winner without a whole bath of guilt following their decision, so they scrapped the entire project ; )

And dude, I gotta tell you, I thought you were different. I didn't realize you're just another guy--same as all the other husbands out there. My dear hubby *loves* 'Back to School'--thinks of it as some sort of masterpiece. Et tu, Captain?

Whitenoise said...

Merry Christmas, Kristin. ;-)