Friday, May 1, 2009

Does this dog make me look fat?

Three months until my lovely daughter's wedding and I'm dreading how I'll look in the photos. I am not photogenic. At all. I'm an attractive enough woman in person (well . . . attractive for my age . . . ) but I do not translate well to 2D.

Also? I weigh 20 (or 150--but who's counting?) more pounds than I'd like to and what with me being short anyway and photographs making people look even heavier . . . It doesn't bode well.

I'm thinking of getting that Valerie-Bertinelli-in-the-bikini People Magazine cover made into a life-sized cardboard cut-out from the neck down and standing behind it because really she and I are built about the same with similar coloring and face shape. As long as I'm going that far, I might as well just leave her head on the cardboard cut-out and stand it next to the wedding party. That's subtle, right?

But I've gotten off track.

So. I am perpetually trying to get rid of these 20 (or 150--but who's counting?) pounds and now I'm totally ramping it up because I only have three months!!!!

I've been working out a lot and eating really well and have shed a few pounds. And I feel great! Well, I did feel great until that thing with the dog happened . . .

My daughter has a dog. I hate that dog. He's really not a bad guy--just a big puppy who doesn't know his strength. Somehow he managed to poop on my daughter's pant leg the other day just before she got into her car to come to my house. (Yeah--on her pant leg. How does that happen?)

When she got to my house I loaned her a pair of my smallest denim Capris thinking they might be a bit loose on her but they'd be fine.

They weren't fine.

I saw my daughter swimming in my cute little Capris. My little Capris! The waist didn't fit at all, there were huge gaps where her butt didn't fill them out and they were all loose on the legs.

Great.

I know what my daughter weighs. And I know exactly how much I have to lose before I can look as good as the girl who just had a baby! And now after all my hard work and determination, I am completely let down.

It's the dog's fault.

I hate that #$%& dog.

7 comments:

Jen on the Edge said...

Yep, it's all the dog's fault.

Just keep doing what you're doing with the food and exercise. You'll look great!

CSY said...

STOOPID, FREAKING DOGS!!!

Don't get discouraged, you're doing all the right things with the food and exercise!

Angie said...

You *are* doing all the right things, Kristin. You're looking great-just hang in there!

But yeah, I think the dog has it in for you..

Cindy said...

Really...how does one's dog poop on your pants? I'm trying to picture it but just can't without thinking about Lindy sleep walking or something!

And I thought you looked great this morning. :)

Whitenoise said...

I need some naked pictures of you to be sure, but, yeah, it's probably just the dog...

Anonymous said...

I don't know how the dog pooped on me but even worse than that I don't know how I missed that fact on the ten minute drive to my mom's house.

And he is a cute dog and I really think he'll be a good dog if I continue working with him but I really ?$@#ing hate him too for many, many reasons.

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