Sunday, April 12, 2009

In which I offer empirical proof that I am *not* married to Chuck Norris' cousin . . .

As if.

Who are Chuck Norris' parents? Might, Justice and Cunning. Yes, all three.

So, obviously, Chuck Norris has no cousins . . .

I got to looking at my sweet hubby the other day and the thought struck me that he bears a passing resemblance to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

He is very muscular, has a reddish beard and when he's serious he gets a look on his face that you wouldn't dream of arguing with. Okay, maybe you wouldn't dream of arguing with him, but I would because I'm his wife : ) There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is ALWAYS in control.

Hubby doesn't wear Wrangler jeans. However, that fact, in and of itself, isn't proof enough that they aren't somehow related. Chuck Norris has a Wrangler belt in Karate.

There is other evidence though that proves my sweet Mister is not descended from the line that brought forth Chuck Norris:

We pay taxes every year.

  • When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.

Hubby is pretty darn good with math, especially interest rate calculations and anything to do with money. But even Hubby can't hold a candle to Chuck:

  • Chuck Norris is considered a prime number in certain schools in Ontario.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
  • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

In addition to his grasp of intricate financial matters, my sweet Hubby has a common sense kind of intelligence. But . . . Chuck Norris is so smart, Stephen Hawking stood up to bow down to him.

Hubby is strong and tough and manly and possesses self control. But . . .

  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  • When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  • Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

But the most compelling evidence that Hubby is not in any way related to Chuck Norris?

No human child could withstand the force of being this close
to a biologically related beard of Chuck Norris


Angie said...

OMG- Thanks for the laugh this morning, Kristin. Loved it.


Cindy said...

Awww....grandpa looks so delighted!
Funny post, btw!

country mouse said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Angie : ) In fact, it was kinda for you--you can think of it as one of the weirdest birthday presents *evah*! And thanks for loaning me the book!

Yeah, Cindy, grandpa is pretty much in love with that little girl. And the feeling is mutual : )

Whitenoise said...

Cute photo ;-)