Baby Lily and I met my dear friend Tracy today for lunch. Tracy and I are both on diets. She's doing Weight Watchers (completely balanced, logical and healthy) while I'm doing The Crazy-Ass Diet (freaking insane!)
Of today's 4 meals, I decided the chicken meal would be the easiest to eat at a restaurant. And by "chicken meal" I mean it was to consist of chicken and only chicken. No veggies, no fruit or dairy or grains of any kind. Just chicken.
The restaurant we chose is an upscale little bistro (well, upscale for my neighborhood. Translation: customers are expected to wear pants.) I checked out the menu on-line before going to be sure I could order chicken. I could, but the only chicken on the menu was fried chicken. Fried chicken? At a healthy, all-natural, mostly organic little bistro? Yeah, okay.
The plate they brought me was embarrassingly huge (especially compared to Tracy's respectable little plate of endive salad . . .) and consisted not only of 4 pieces of fried chicken, but also cole slaw and garlic fries--both of which I ignored and planned to take home to my family.
I thought I'd probably just eat the chicken breast and that would be enough. I'm pretty sure that particular delusion was the result of malnutrition.
After removing the breaded skin from the breast I realized there was about a tablespoon and a half of meat. Like a ravenous animal, I devoured the skinless remains of the other 3 pieces--all 1 ounce of it . . .
And then I sat there. Still hungry. Beyond hungry. I tried really hard to listen to Tracy tell me how her two lovely daughters are doing in college, but what I was thinking was "where can I get more chicken on the way home? Should I stop at Albertson's and get a big juicy breast? Because God knows I do love a big juicy breast! But I have the baby with me and it's a pain getting the car seat out and carrying it all over the place just for a piece of chicken. What about driving through Burger King? Nah--not nearly enough bang for my buck. Albertson's it is! Hmmm, I probably should have been paying attention to Tracy because she just asked me a question . . . "
Coming out of the store, I barely got Lily buckled into the car before I was trying to tear into the precious meat. It was super hot and was scalding my fingers but I didn't care, I'm sure I was about to have a seizure. Some horrible rap song about objectifying and degrading women started playing on the radio--and I'm pretty certain it was doing serious damage to Lily's psyche--but my hands were too sticky and greasy to change the station. Plus, it would have meant using my hand for something other than shoving food into my pie hole and that was not a sacrifice I was willing to make. Sorry, Lily, but GRAMMY IS STARVING!!!!!!!!
One breast wasn't enough. Wish I'd gotten two. The good news is that I think I lost 13 pounds today : )