Friday, December 5, 2008

bah humbug

I'm tired of people. Certain people get on my nerves this time of year. Christmas tends to bring out the worst in our fellow man, doesn't it?

Right now I can't stand people who want everybody else to know how wonderful they are. And I say this as one of those people who used to do that.

If you ever find yourself on the verge of saying or doing something to make yourself look good to strangers, stop and remind yourself that nobody f***ing cares.

In the checkout line at a store and feel the need to inform the clerk that your purchases are for charity? Keep it to yourself. NFC. Telling strangers about your donations of time/money/goods to a noble cause negates the good will and makes the act entirely self serving. And when it becomes self serving, NFC.

I hear this at the pharmacy at least once a week:

Pharmacist: "While you're taking this medication, you want to avoid alcohol."

Customer: "Oh, that's not a problem, I never drink alcohol."

Know what, dear customer? NFC. Least of all the pharmacist. He just wants to fulfil his legal obligation to give you the necessary information and to get back to his work. He really doesn't want to hear about how you think you're better than anyone who imbibes once in awhile.

In a public area with your small, adorable children who are saying precocious, adorable things? Resist the temptation to answer them in a voice just loud enough to be overheard and then look around to be sure other people are chuckling and smiling with approval not only at your clever youngling but also at your enviable buddy/parent relationship. You phony. NFC.

You're a vegan who eats only organic vegetables from local farms? That's great. And I'll bet you're healthy and our environment is better off for you. But I don't want to hear about it as I stand in the checkout line with my box of Twinkies. And it's not just me. NFC.

You're a greenie and are hand crafting all of your Christmas decorations and gifts out of recycled goods that originally came only from sustainable materials? Fantastic. Your family and fellow green pals will surely applaud you. But the rest of us? NFC, baby.

Your dogs are your "children" and any time a normal person brings up the subject of their actual children you feel the need to regale them with the antics of your precious pups? Seriously--take this to heart--NFC. And I do mean nobody.

Your daughter is in the local production of Nutcracker and is an hour late to dress rehearsal and you have a whole litany of excuses and reasons why she shouldn't have had to be at that rehearsal in the first place even though you agreed to get her to all of them two months ago? NFC. Get her in costume, in make-up, warmed up and on the stage. And you, mom, you go somewhere else--anywhere else--other than the wings because you have "stage mom" written all over you.

In public in the middle of a weekday with your school aged children and you feel it's your duty to enlighten the surrounding simpletons that your offspring are not in school because they don't go to "government" schools because you're better than that--you home school? Trying to cram it down everyone else's throat that you're willing to sacrifice money and time because you are a parent who really puts your kids first--inferring that anyone who makes a different decision is practically negligent? Listen closely: NFC. Do what you think is best for your own and leave everybody else out of it.

I could go on and on with this, but by now I think I've pretty much offended everyone so I'll stop. And I should probably 'fess up: I've been guilty of at least half of these offences. I hate people like me.

I'll bet you all have experienced some outstanding NFC moments. Please, feel free to share--I really do care about that : )


Anonymous said...

I think you covered them all. And the good news. Next time I think NFC...when I hear such a comment... I will laugh on the inside because of you! said...

Wow, what a wonderful post. I laughed the whole time I was reading it. I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who wants to tell people NFC, and yes I do at times hate people. Thanks for making my night.

Whitenoise said...

Yikes. Bah Humbug! ;-)

countrymouse said...

Ha ha--I was actually afeared of getting any comments on this post because I thought they might be nasty negative type comments. I'm glad to find out, Anon and MarriedLeo, that I'm not the only one who can identify with the NFC inner dialogue!

Yeah, I know, Captain. I'm not always so easily irritated : )

Miss Got Wings said...

drunken photos on Facebook. NFC

Angie said...

Oh Kristin. Thanks so much for the LOL. You know I need all the laughs I can get these days.
I simply **love** your posts on days that you're ranting and annoyed. (And I look forward to more and more of these as you move along into menopause and get even crankier.)


countrymouse said...

Yes, Kate--exactly!!! And my daughter wishes to add photos on myspace or facebook where the subject is flipping off the camera to the NFC roster.

Off to change my facebook profile photo from the one of me faced . . .

Three cheers for Angie who totally gets me! And I almost didn't do this post because you're an excellent vegan cook and you handcraft such cool natural things but you don't preach about it and I didn't want you thinking that I put you in the same category with obnoxious people : )