Wednesday, October 22, 2008

looking FLABulous!

Okay. What is it about being over 40 that makes it freaking impossible to lose weight or keep it off once lost?

No. It is not all the Coke I drink.

Nor is it the cookies.

Or the chips.

Shut up! Why are you asking so many questions?

Anyway . . . I have gained back 10 pounds. And lucky me, when I gain weight, it's evenly dispersed over my entire body.

And I'm short. So an extra 10 pounds on me is like an extra 50 pounds on a normal sized, non Oompa Loompa type person.

I can't wear skirts to accentuate my thin legs and take the focus of my tummy. Or don low cut blouses to highlight my long, slender neck and full cleavage, thereby distracting from hips. Nope. I'm pudgy everywhere.

My hair follicles are chubby.

As are my heels.

**sigh**

Hubby continues to have back problems. From his neck to his tailbone.

Oh--and he has always had shoulder, hip, knee, ankle and feet problems. Especially feet. He stepped into a truck the other day and heard--and felt--a pop in his left foot. He can barely walk.

He is a sturdily built man. All muscle. Hard, ripply, muscle . . . sinewy, solid muscle . . . gleaming, powerful, manly . . .

wha? What were we talking about?

Ummm. So anyway. He's built big. And now he can't exercise. And his family has a history of heart disease. I'm a little concerned.

Since his health is on my mind and the prospect of appearing in wedding photos scares the Beelzebub out of me, I've decided we're doing something about this. Right now. Today.

I have declared that hubby shall take up lap swimming. He has declared I can kiss his ass.

I have also decreed that we will both join Weight Watchers On-Line. In fact, I signed us both up today.

But I'm having a bit of trouble with it. Already.

I signed hubby up for the Core Plan option and me for the Flex Plan option. My problem is that I can't find a straightforward list for hubby outlining what food is allowed and I can't find a list for me detailing how many POINTS! common foods have.

There is a "table" for hubby's food, but it's a series of icons that need to be clicked on individually to show that category's acceptable food. [Side note: why is Canadian bacon listed under cereals and grains? WTH?]

Long story short: the site is set up to disallow simple printing or copying and pasting.

With both of our options, we are expected to eat something, plug it into the food calculator and see whether it falls within the limits. This makes very little sense to me.

I do, however, like the Activity Calculator. You enter an activity (say, walking,) the length of time (let's try 20 minutes,) the intensity, (I'm going with low since I was intently listening to my iPod . . . ) and it tells you how many POINTS! said activity is good for (1.)

I plugged in the coordinates for a 30 minute, intense elliptical workout--5 POINTS! Woot!

And then I got to thinking . . .

Turns out that moderately intense sex for 10 minutes is worth, count 'em, 3 POINTS! Brace yourself, hubby--I have a Coke to work off.

And some cookies.

And chips . . .

10 comments:

Mary said...

3 points?? Seriously?

Then what the hell am I doing down here when the husband (and any potential weight loss) is waiting for me upstairs???

Sorry - gotta go.

Jess B said...

Have you checked out SparkPeople.com? They have some really great tools....you can input your weight and activity, what foods you eat and it will calculate the fat/calories/etc for you. It will tell you what goals you should have for caloric intake and YOU CAN WIN PRIZES for logging in daily. Plus, there are no restricted foods, you eat what you want to and aim for hitting the target amount of calories, fats, fiber and protein. Just something to think about.

BTW, that's one gorgeous grandbaby you have!

Whitenoise said...

I could use some exercise like that...

Cindy said...

What? Is the 10 minutes that counts for 3 whole points done while hanging upside down or something? Its gotta be a lot more "intensity" than I've ever heard about. Ha, ha.
Hey, did you know that walking, holding a baby for an hour and 5 minutes will burn off 243 calories? Not sure how many points that is but hey, Lily has to worth at least one point a day!

Anonymous said...

blah!!!! you should have warned me that was coming! (that's what she said) but seriously i don't want to see things of this nature on my mother's blog

Miss Got Wings said...

aww, poor Beautiful. give the girl a heads up - geesh!

anyways - I'll talk WW with you anytime. I've been a WW since 2003 and I love it! Personally, I love using their eTools function. You pay $40 monthly which allows you to track all food/exercise online, search/calculate points values for all foods, attend weekly meetings/weigh-ins, search recipes, and participate in the message boards. No books. no calculators. No binders. It's all stored right online. And it doesn't mean you HAVE to go to a weigh-in, it's just included in the cost if you want to go. Hope this helps - it's a really effective program. I can personally attest to that (losing 40 lbs.). I can't think of a healthier way to shed the weight :)

Becca said...

PFFFT. I thought this was hilarious - and I cracked up over mom's comment. I love knowing my parents have a healthy sex life. ^_^

Kuckie said...

Sounds like you've got some points to work off...in 3's of course!!! LOL!

Angie said...

Kristin- Don't be so hard on yourself. You know it's only baby weight. What, Beautiful was supposed to gain weight all by herself? How fair is that? (even though she looks like she barely put on pound in those 9 months). Maybe that's what it is. You got pudgy for her! See what a good mom (Nana) you are?
Love, Angie

ShallowGal said...

Dude. I have joined and dropped out of WW eleven times in 2008 alone. I weigh 17 pounds more than I did 1/1/08.

It's a stupid useless diet. Now excuse me, I have a double cheese lasagna in the oven.