Tuesday, July 29, 2008

He calls me 'Kris'

My given name is Kristin. It's a pretty name. It's a good Scandinavian name. It's the name of my mother's high school friend.

No wonder I hated it when I was a kid!

I wanted a different name. Something a little less ethnic. A little more American. And standard. And plain. Like Kim. Or Kelly. Or Mimi.

In junior high I decided to assert my independence and right the wrong my parents had perpetrated on me. I started going by 'Kris.' Flavorless, characterless, appellation-equivalent-to-Muzak 'Kris.'

My cosmic retribution for disrespecting my parents' choice? The lifeless nickname stuck.

A few years later when I met the man who would become my husband, I was still known as Kris. And that's how his family knows me. And everyone from that time in my life still calls me that. {{{{{shudder}}}}}

But you are not allowed to call me that. Ever.

Now that that's been established . . .

Hubby and our boys are preparing for the annual trip to Ross Lake. Last year I wasn't able to go because of this. This year I am once again left out of the family fun because my work schedule won't allow it.

Ross Lake. To get to the campsite where we meet up with family and friends and hang out for a week of swimming, playing and beer drinking, we have to drive north into Canada and then south back down into the U.S. For the one hour that they'll be on Canadian soil, my menfolk need to bring passports, ID, birth certificates and a note from me stating that it's okay for my husband to be taking my minor child across the border.

Last year, due to my injury, the boys got a late start. They arrived at the border just after 1 a.m. in a small SUV haphazardly packed to the gills--looking for all the world like they were running from the law.

The border guard eyed them and their getaway vehicle suspiciously. He carefully scrutinized their citizenship documents and looked over my sleeping 12 year old son. Examining Youngest's birth certificate, he questioned hubby, "And where is Kristin?"

"Who?" hubby asked, confused.

"Kristin. The child's mother?"

"Oh! My wife, Kris! She's at home with a dislocated arm."

According to my husband, the border guard gave him a look that suggested he might call the authorities to see if my arm was dislocated after being beaten by my husband who was trying to abduct our child.

"I'm ready for the border crossing this year!" Hubby excitedly told me this morning.

"Oh?" I yawned with rampant interest.

"If they ask me 'Where's Kristin?' I'm going to tell them she's home f*cking Matt Damon!"

What do you think? Sound like permission to you? It does to me : ) Are you reading, Matt? Call me, I'll give you my address. Oh, and Matt? Honey, you can call me anything you want!




8 comments:

Geggie said...

You can't be at home with Matt Damon, he's at my house!

And you so are NOT a Kris to me.

Email me...I had to take my blog private...bitches.

Rick said...

Hey just checking in!

Becca said...

Wow, I had totally forgotten about that song! My morning is off on the right foot, that's for sure. That song always makes me happy. ^_^

Amy said...

When I was little I wanted to change my name to Daisy. My sister wanted to change her name to Gloria.

xoxo, SG

Kuckie said...

Great, now I'll have the Matt Damon song stuck in my head everyday for the next three months. My hubby is not as amused by it as I am, unfortunately! But hey, who doesn't want to $%&@ Matt Damon?????

countrymouse said...

Geggie, I'll fight you for him, and I warn you I am one tough old lady : )

Hi, Rick! Nice to see you again : )

I know, right, Becca and Kukie? That song is just so user friendly! Except that you can't sing it in front of children, or parents, or at work, or in the grocery store, or anywhere public . . . But besides that? Perfect song : )

So Amy, I guess wanting to change one's name is probably a universal girl thing? For a long time I wanted to be Desiree, which I thought was the height of sophistication . . .

Anonymous said...

ha! i'm younger than all of you so that means i have first dibs on him! oh wait, i'm pregnant. i suppose that's not the height of attraction in the eyes of a young good looking famous person.

Jan said...

Too, funny. I've always loved that video, and He's too young for me, so you can have him.