Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Further evidence of my illustrious career as an "adult"

It happens every time I meet someone new and am offered a cup of coffee or tea or any other grown-up type refreshment.

"I'm sorry," I reply, embarrassed, "I still have kid taste. I have never acquired a liking for grown-up beverages."

When I was a newlywed, my sister-in-law was disheartened to learn that I just didn't enjoy a hot cup of tea. She asked her mother, "Mom, some of our best times together have been over a cup of tea. How am I going to bond with my new sister?" And she was right--though we like each other immensely, we never really have bonded.

It's the same when it comes to wine. Last month when Bossy came to town, we had all enjoyed food and drinks and a wonderful time together. But then several of the women began to discuss ordering a carafe of wine. And suddenly it felt like Thanksgiving and I was a kid sitting at the adults' table. Sadly, I just can't share in that culture.

Not only does my tongue cringe at the taste of wine (cheap or expensive--it makes no difference) but I can't taste anything I'm supposed to be tasting. I can't appreciate it. I have no idea how a particular wine would compliment a particular food. It's like an entire language that I don't speak and will never comprehend.

Until now.

Today, with the help of a knowing comic, I have learned a new strategy to handle those times when I have to masquerade as a grown-up. As of today, I can fake my way through any wine conversation:

toothpaste for dinner


jenontheedge said...

I'm with you: I don't do coffee, tea, wine, or beer. However, I'm good for sodas, juice, water, milk, and mixed drinks.

Whitenoise said...

Tea at work, but at home or in a hotel my vice is diet pepsi.

I think the whole wine thing (or scotch or other snooty beverage) is just another way to fleece the flock. Very pretentious.

Storybook Woods said...

Okay love the fermented grape thing. Said Clarice the wine snob !!!!

Optimist said...

Hee Hee! - you don't need wine. You are funny already!

Mary said...

I don't drink wine (or coffee for that matter) either.

Oh. Well, Clarice might have a word or two to say about a tiny, little "encounter" I had with a particular white wine, but don't listen to her.

Anyway, she brought it over.

Practically *made* me take a glass . . . or two . . . or 3/4 of a bottle.

Total pusher.

Obviously I need new friends.

Anonymous said...

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree :) Everyone should put that nasty wine stuff away and get out the good stuff like girly beer!

Amy said...

My seven year old tasted my wine (1) the other night and said "this tastes like grapes and asparagus and dirt" and all the grownups were like "she's right, it is earthy with a hint of asparagus." and I was all "ummm wine." xoxo, SG

(1) Is that wrong?