Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A Primer

For your enlightenment, a not-at-all exhaustive list of things not to say when your daughter's boyfriend (and father of her to-be-born-in-September baby) meets the extended family for the first time:

Kristin: "Boyfriend, I'd like you to meet my brother, Uncle Brian. Brian, this is the baby daddy."

Kristin: "You know, Boyfriend, that Beautiful is just like me? You can see it in the way we talk, in the way we argue, in our gestures, in our facial expressions, in our temperament . . . "

Uncle Brian, sitting across the table, shaking his head: "Why would you tell him that she's just like you? Why?????"

Me, just as befuddled as my brother: "I don't know, Brian. I just don't know . . . "

Most people would have known to stop talking. I didn't realize words were still coming out of my mouth . . .

My sweet hubby, discussing whether the baby will be a boy or a girl:
"Well, Boyfriend, you come from a family of all boys and you already have a son. I think the chances are high that this baby will also be a boy."

Boyfriend presented his case:
"However, the increased atmospheric pressure I live in as a submariner as well as the ionizing radiation I am exposed to as a Nuke give me a greater likelihood of having a girl. So if this baby is a boy, it would be . . . "

Kristin: "Gay?"

Boyfriend: "I was going to say 'a surprise' . . . "

And then, the piece de resistance. I don't know how this escaped my lips. My brain wasn't even thinking it. The words just formed themselves.

Kristin, during the discussion of Beautiful's current mood swings and craving demands--bearing in mind this whole conversation occurred at the family dinner table with the grandparents present:
"She's this much of a challenge and yet you still want to sleep with her . . . I mean, be with her . . . ummm, I meant stay with . . . never mind . . . "

True story.


Whitenoise said...

Mouse, mouse, mouse... This is why we love you. ;-)

MissGotWings said...

lol - why can't my family be as entertaining?!

Storybook Woods said...

Well Kirstin, he might as well get use to you now xoxoxox Clarice

Influencebad said...

That was the most amazing thing ever!!! I laughed so hard!!!

Geggie said...

Oh Kristen. Have you considered a muzzle? Ha! Nah, you're a hoot and you're well intentioned and that's most important!

Mrs. G. said...

True story? Better than fiction. It was great meeting you the other night!

countrymouse said...

Optimist I have *no idea* why your comments aren't appearing. Some sort of vortex . . . But thank you for visiting and commenting--loved your photos of Mick ; )

Hey, Cap'n! Nice to see you : )

Yes Clarice, if he's going to be around for any length of time, he might as well see the real me sooner rather than later!

Kate, I've read your blog--your family is just as entertaining, just maybe in a different way ; )

Glad I could give you a giggle, Becca and Geggie. Oh, and Geggie--my daughter thinks your muzzle idea is groundbreaking and should be put into force *immediately*!

Hey there, Mrs. G! So very, very, very nice to meet a fellow homeschooler, blogger, mom, Bossy enthusiast! And you're totally fun and fabulous at a party to boot--bonus!

Optimist said...

Let's try this again. Love it that you say what is on your mind! It's a great quality with an added benefit: people will trust you.

Thanks for visiting my tiny little blog -

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you actually posted a blog about this. You must not have thought it was hard enough on me and my emotional self the first time around :)

But the saddest thing of all is that I'm am turning more onto you (and acting more like you) every day.

I"m doomed.