Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Just another load of guilt to add to the pile . . .

I stopped going to church about a year and a half ago. No ill will towards the church I was attending, I just felt like I would be outrageously hypocritical sitting in a pew when other things were going on in my life. I'll just stop the explanation right there . . .

Despite my lack of presence anywhere near a sanctuary, I still tithe. Well, I still set aside a tithe in the form of cash in a special compartment in my wallet. The compartment can't hold it all anymore because I have yet to actually get it to the church.

Should I deposit the cash and send a check? If I did, hubby would no doubt notice a draft for the large sum that has accumulated in a year and a half. An argument would ensue. (Hubby and I have a difference of opinion on this subject. Don't ask . . . )

And which church should I give it to? "My" church which I no longer attend? My in-laws' church where they take my son--a place I am loathe to set foot in? (Too long a story to elaborate. Don't ask . . . )

My favorite charity, Operation Christmas Child? I can't just give them an envelope of cash so I'm back to the same check writing problem.

I have considered taking it to the bank and drawing a cashier's check. Problem is, I keep forgetting. You'd think I'd be a little more conscientious about this important issue, but I'm still me, so . . . don't ask.

In the meantime, I haven't been to the bank in weeks and I've run out of regular household cash. Which would have been okay except that I desperately needed gas yesterday and I had to stop at a gas station where they don't accept checks. Hubby doesn't allow us to have debit cards (again--don't even bother asking) so I was left with only one option: I was forced to borrow God's money.

Nothing makes me quite as uncomfortable as temporarily dipping into the money earmarked to help other people. I feel as though I'll be struck by lightening on the spot. Whenever it happens, I always return that money as soon as possible, and it's not like there's any interest on it, but still I feel like I might as well be grabbing a handful out of the collection plate as it passes by . . .

This is the most uncomfortable kind of debt. As though I don't already live with enough guilt . . .


Geggie said...

I say give it to any worthy cause. You can always just take the cash and get a money order at the 7-11 and be done with it.

God for you!

Whitenoise said...

Not being a religious person, I've never had this problem. I occasionally give money to charity, but never feel obligated.

ajooja said...

Don't kick yourself over dipping into the kitty. It was a necessity.

I agree with Geggie. Any decent convenience store, grocery store, Wal-Mart, or Post Office can do a money order.

I also wanted to say, you have a very admirable attitude about giving. Very cool.

Kuckie said...

Kristin - remember this...guilt is a worthless emotion. It helps no one and fixes nothing. You did what had to be done and you will replace the money. When the time is right, you will find a place to donate it. You will know when it's right. Don't beat yourself up...you don't deserve it!

PS - I like Heifer International, just FYI!

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

I seriously doubt you're going to Hell over borrowing money from your own damn wallet.

As for your husband, just tell him the money has been accumulating for over a year and that you're sending a check to a charity.

countrymouse said...

Hey, cool! I didn't know about getting money orders in other places besides banks or the post office.

And I know--I should let the guilt go.

Thanks, Ajooja : ) Too bad it's only the *intention* to give--we all know what the road to hell is paved with ; )

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