The kind that just never quite work out . . .
For at least a dozen years I've wanted to have a different kind of Christmas tree. I've wanted to have a bare, deciduous tree. Flocked. So it looks like an orchard tree in the snow. Decorated very simply with white lights, crystal prisms from a chandelier, and a few subtle hints of color. And a couple little birds. Because I have a thing about birds . . . Sounds unusual and beautiful, doesn't it?
I've been outvoted by my family all these years! And really, that's odd considering that my older two kids can be very out-of-the-box thinkers.
But this is the year! Enough of my family has moved out of the house that I finally won. It was Youngest (in true mama's boy fashion) who backed me during the official vote.
A friend from work gave me two very large branches from some pruning that had been done. Mister and Number One silently scoffed while I directed them as to the most aesthetically pleasing way to join the two branches to form a "tree."
"And how are these pieces being joined together so that they'll stay?" Mister asked. Scoffingly.
"You know what?" I answered, being as easy going about this process as I could. "I don't care. Do it any way that will work. It's going to be flocked and nobody will see how the pieces are joined. Use duct tape if you have to."
"Duct tape?" Mister questioned. Scoffingly. "So, we're having a white trash Christmas this year?"
And Number One couldn't quite stifle a snicker.
"You have something to add, Son?" I inquired. Patiently. Not a hint of irritation in my voice. Or something.
"Oh no! I am not getting in the middle of this one!" He exclaimed. Scoffingly.
"You're not in the middle, Boy. You've already taken your dad's side."
Off the "tree" went to the local nursery for professional, three dimensional flocking. And the nursery flocker scoffed. Well, flock him!
The flocking turned out beautifully! All the women at the nursery loved it. The guy who did the flocking (and charged us $30 up front) swore he will never do that kind of tree again unless he charges at least $160. But I'm happy : )
When it was time to decorate, Youngest switched parties mid-stream. Along about the time he realized I'm not letting him put his Star Wars or Buzz Lightyear ornaments on my "orchard" tree, he realized his error. And started scoffing.
"You know," I teased, although he is way too old for this tactic, "Santa doesn't bring presents to boys with bad attitudes."
"Yeah," he scoffed, with a helluvalot of attitude in his voice! "well Santa isn't known for leaving presents under fruit trees either."
Damn. That boy is good with the comebacks!
Naturally, as it goes with all my best ideas, the tree does not live up to my expectations. It does not have the form of a fruit tree. Or any tree from nature. It kinda has the form of two branches. Joined. But not with duct tape, because that would have been weird.
And the photos cannot do it justice. It's much more soft and subtle in person. And it's kinda big. And in the way. And odd.
Oh well. It's my dream tree. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm going to enjoy every Charlie Brown Christmas Tree moment of it : )