I had questions. Questions to which ‘Jude Law’ alone had the answers. I just could not wrap my head around the suggestion this man was making, so I e-mailed him. He was frank about his ideas. And justifications.
I started to post the transcript of our conversation, but felt it was too big an invasion of privacy. Jude may have answered more fully (or not at all : ) if he knew his thoughts were headed for public consumption.
Instead, I’ll briefly sum things up:
It appears that he loves his wife and that they have a good partnership except there isn’t enough intimacy to satisfy him. His solution has been adulterous relationships with long term partners who are in the same boat, so to speak.
And why did he invite me to this exclusive party? I was vainly hoping it was because he found me clever or funny or interesting or intelligent enough to hold a conversation with or, you know, something flattering like that. The real answer is that he finds me physically attractive, I’m married, and I live geographically close to him. In a word, he propositioned me because I’m convenient. So romantic!
As to "where is the ‘intimacy’ conducted?" He and his previous partners have used their own homes. I’m just going to directly quote his reasoning because there is no need (or room) for interpretation: "Infidelity is bad. I don't feel at one's house makes it more acute or egregious." I’d be willing to wager his wife would feel differently . . .
Finally, speaking of his wife, I asked him if he thought she ever suspected what was going on. Again, I’ll quote him directly: "No, i don't thnk she has. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing. My guilt is assuaged by my lack of sex at home."
I’ll bet you’re all thinking what I’m thinking--that he has managed to blame his wife for his infidelity. I didn’t call him on that. I didn’t call him on anything. It was all too Twilight Zone.
The whole thing had a cold, pragmatic ring to it. Not emotionally vested. Dry. Businesslike. Not attending to any personal needs whatsoever--just f*cking for the sake of f*cking.
So--I’m thinking he’s a Grade A pig with a shirt on.
On the other hand . . .
What’s worse? Would I be more hurt to find that my husband was screwing someone else because he wasn't getting enough from me, or to find that he was having an affair with someone he was in love with?