Tuesday, November 6, 2007

The rest of the story

I had questions. Questions to which ‘Jude Law’ alone had the answers. I just could not wrap my head around the suggestion this man was making, so I e-mailed him. He was frank about his ideas. And justifications.

I started to post the transcript of our conversation, but felt it was too big an invasion of privacy. Jude may have answered more fully (or not at all : ) if he knew his thoughts were headed for public consumption.

Instead, I’ll briefly sum things up:

It appears that he loves his wife and that they have a good partnership except there isn’t enough intimacy to satisfy him. His solution has been adulterous relationships with long term partners who are in the same boat, so to speak.

And why did he invite me to this exclusive party? I was vainly hoping it was because he found me clever or funny or interesting or intelligent enough to hold a conversation with or, you know, something flattering like that. The real answer is that he finds me physically attractive, I’m married, and I live geographically close to him. In a word, he propositioned me because I’m convenient. So romantic!

As to "where is the ‘intimacy’ conducted?" He and his previous partners have used their own homes. I’m just going to directly quote his reasoning because there is no need (or room) for interpretation: "Infidelity is bad. I don't feel at one's house makes it more acute or egregious." I’d be willing to wager his wife would feel differently . . .

Finally, speaking of his wife, I asked him if he thought she ever suspected what was going on. Again, I’ll quote him directly: "No, i don't thnk she has. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing. My guilt is assuaged by my lack of sex at home."

I’ll bet you’re all thinking what I’m thinking--that he has managed to blame his wife for his infidelity. I didn’t call him on that. I didn’t call him on anything. It was all too Twilight Zone.

The whole thing had a cold, pragmatic ring to it. Not emotionally vested. Dry. Businesslike. Not attending to any personal needs whatsoever--just f*cking for the sake of f*cking.

So--I’m thinking he’s a Grade A pig with a shirt on.

On the other hand . . .

What’s worse? Would I be more hurt to find that my husband was screwing someone else because he wasn't getting enough from me, or to find that he was having an affair with someone he was in love with?


whitenoise said...

Does this guy read your blog or is this a myspace thing?

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

Wow, wow, wow. I cannot believe you emailed him back and asked him all those questions. You. Are. A. Goddess. Really, you are. And *I* thought I was someone who goes in where angels fear to tread. No. You definitely put me to shame. Thanks for following up on all that the dude, because it's been educational.

countrymouse said...

No 'noise, he doesn't read this blog--let's hope he never does!!!! He found me through different channels.

Thanks, Jen : ) But in reality I did couch my questions in language that wasn't quite reporter-like bold. (However, I made sure not to sound interested in his invitation either.) I felt like I had to walk a careful line. And there was *so* much else I wanted to ask!!!!!

ajooja said...

I'm with Jennifer. I think it's amazing you were able to have a frank discussion with him.

My take is that he was so cold and blunt because "it takes time to woo someone."

He wasn't interested in that. He is simply interested in finding someone to service the physical needs that aren't being met.

I used to automatically think "Grade A Pig" when I heard about those kind of guys, but there is something admirable about having the guts to ask for what you want.

I'm not saying it's right. I've just always been very shy. I can't imagine being like that, and it's almost rewarding to know there are people like that.

Besides, you just know it has to work sometimes. I know I missed out on a lot of casual (or perhaps not-so-casual) encounters because of my shyness.

Anyway, I'm glad you were just as open and honest about telling him you weren't interested. That is the most important part of this story.

Kate said...

Wow - that took some cojones to ask those questions! I'll just continue to play w/ fire vicariuosly through you :) Thanks for a not-at-all-mundane-update-on-your-life post. Things are much more interesting in the country, apparently.

Kuckie said...

This is a completely entertaining story...I am amazed at this guy. And I am CRACKING UP that you emailed him to get more info...and THEN posted it for all of us to read!!! LOL!

WendyB said...

Hilarious that you followed up with all these questions. Good work!