Things not to say (loudly) while tipsy at a neighborhood wedding.
Why Countrymouse doesn't drink very often.
- Whispering at the top of my lungs to hubby, "Tell me I don't look as old as all these mummified broads?"
- Upon being introduced to Holly, who I haven't seen in over 20 years, "Omigosh--I remember you, Holly! You used to date Chase Jones! Do you remember that pathetic girl he was with for awhile? One night at a party she (what a loser!) sat outside Chase's bedroom door waiting for him while he screwed around with someone else. What was that pathetic girl's name . . . Polly? . . . Molly? . . . "
- An intimate conversation with the 22 year old bartender:
Him: "What can I get for you, young lady?"
Me: Blushing, giggling, and requesting demurely, "Bring on the vodka, baby!"
- Graciously thanking my husband for bringing me a refill on my drink, "Didn't I specifically say 'twist of lime'? Where's my twist of lime? Go get me a lime!"
- Bride: "Kristin, I'd like you to meet Lisa, my matron of honor."
Me: "Hi Lisa. Actually, I saw you this morning at the little market. You sure clean up nice!"
Okay, okay, okay--I didn't actually say all of these things out loud. Only 1 or 2 of them. Or 3. But if you're going to have an open bar at your wedding, you should expect a certain lack of decorum. Can I get a witness?!