Sunday, September 9, 2007

You can dress me up, but . . .

Let this be a Public Service Announcement.

Things not to say (loudly) while tipsy at a neighborhood wedding.
OR
Why Countrymouse doesn't drink very often.
  • Whispering at the top of my lungs to hubby, "Tell me I don't look as old as all these mummified broads?"
  • Upon being introduced to Holly, who I haven't seen in over 20 years, "Omigosh--I remember you, Holly! You used to date Chase Jones! Do you remember that pathetic girl he was with for awhile? One night at a party she (what a loser!) sat outside Chase's bedroom door waiting for him while he screwed around with someone else. What was that pathetic girl's name . . . Polly? . . . Molly? . . . "
  • An intimate conversation with the 22 year old bartender:
    Him: "What can I get for you, young lady?"
    Me: Blushing, giggling, and requesting demurely, "Bring on the vodka, baby!"
  • Graciously thanking my husband for bringing me a refill on my drink, "Didn't I specifically say 'twist of lime'? Where's my twist of lime? Go get me a lime!"
  • Bride: "Kristin, I'd like you to meet Lisa, my matron of honor."
    Me: "Hi Lisa. Actually, I saw you this morning at the little market. You sure clean up nice!"
Okay, okay, okay--I didn't actually say all of these things out loud. Only 1 or 2 of them. Or 3. But if you're going to have an open bar at your wedding, you should expect a certain lack of decorum. Can I get a witness?!

6 comments:

whitenoise said...

I thought you said that you were no fun at parties... ;-)

Geggie said...

Ok, if I ever get married, I am SO inviting you to the wedding!

countrymouse said...

WN--I never said I wasn't *embarrassing* at parties : )

It's a date, Geggie! It takes me about half of the first coctail and that's when the fun begins ; )

ajooja said...

I'm with Noise. You sound like a lot of fun.

My wife likes to %#&@ when she gets a few drinks in her.

Needless to say, I love it when she drinks. :D

countrymouse said...

hee hee, your wife and I have that in common, ajooja : )

According to hubby, I have a peculiar smile that I only give him when I've had a drink. He knows instantly when I smile that smile at him that I'm just a wee bit tipsy and whole lot of something else ; )

blackbird said...

Aren't you brave to own up to 2 or 5 of them...
I've only gotten drunk at one wedding and I was classy enough to do it at the cocktail party before the actual vows.