Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Curse you, Chuck Norris! Part I

My sister-in-law is evil. She is heinousness incarnate. And she hates me. Evilly.

Oh yeah. I just remembered that she sometimes reads this blog. (Love you, Sis!)

Now, back to my story about that evil biotch . . .

I was talking to my 13-year-old nephew on the phone last Thursday when his mother (Evil Biotch Sis-in-law, in case you weren’t keeping up with the cast of characters) came on the line. She was all excited to tell me about this new cult--strike that--exercise class she joined. It’s the KUT program. And somehow, as only One Who Possesses Pure Evil can do, she made it sound exciting.

  • 9 week commitment
  • 6 days a week
  • kickboxing
  • plus resistance training
  • plus more crunches and push-ups than the combined USA Olympic Team does in a year

AND

(because all that isn’t enough)

  • a diet plan too!

Woo hoo.

Yes. She made this vile boot camp sound good. Evil, manipulative biotch.

"Hey, I know!" she said with devilish glee, "You could sign up too and we could do this together!"

Oddly, I was tempted. But being such a dedicated anti-program-joiner I hedged, using the excuse (which isn't a stretch) that I couldn't afford it.

She sweetened the deal. Evilly.

"What if I paid for it?"

Evil, manipulative biotch. (Love you, Sis!)

"No, I wouldn't want you to have to wait for your money, it might take awhile."

"What about this: Your husband has worked on our car and boat so many times--I owe him. What if I just pay for you and you never have to think about the money at all!"

"Ummmmm . . . " I cleverly countered, "Okay?"

Pure Evil, that one.

6 comments:

Carrie said...

Aha! I knew you were talking smack about me, my ears were burning! And so was my face, after this morning's class, I actually had to ice it. Can you believe I had a low grade fever too and became one with the couch most of the day? Exercise never hurt so much, but I'm older, not wiser and much heavier, so I guess it's to be expected. You'll thank me later when we twinkle into our old jeans (maybe mine are even stylin' again 15 years later). Tonight I almost reached for a Twinkie, but remembered this morning's torture and recoiled as if from a hot flame. If only I could learn through some other means besides pain! Well, I'll be limping in tomorrow, so expect to see you there! Onward and upward,
Your evil biotch sis-in-law

Kristin said...

You're a good sport, Carrie. And you'll be vindicated in Part II ; )

Kuckie said...

My best friend is trying to rope me into the whole "working out is fun" thing too...but I'm not biting. As soon as she admits that it's NOT fun, I will totally do it. But I will not go in letting her think she has lured me with promises of a fun time. And I'm with you, Carrie..when, oh when, will we learn by some means other than pain???

Kristin, I've tagged you! If you want to participate, visit my site for details. If not, no biggie!

Rick said...

I will just send you some Jane Fonda workout videos in beta format!

Kristin said...

Sorry to disappoint you, Kuckie--but I have to admit, this work out actually is fun . . .

Rick--too bad I just sold my horizontally striped leotard and matching headband at a garage sale last year! You'll have to keep doing Jane yourself ; )

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