Monday, May 7, 2007

Your Friendly Neighborhood Waste of 140 Minutes

I don't like to lie to my kids. Rather than lie, I try to focus on any positive little thing I can grasp onto and go with that. Taking Youngest to see Spiderman III tested my creative limits. I ended up having to tell less than the truth.

It was a special treat for the two of us to go see the newest of the Spidey chronicles on its release date. To prep me (as I had not seen any of the Spiderman anthology--oh how I wish I could still make that claim!) we spent the two prior evenings watching I and II. And I knew I was in trouble. I knew I would have a difficult time sitting still in the theater. I knew I would be thinking other thoughts and not paying any attention to the flashy vacuity on the screen. I knew I didn't want to pay $8 to listen to Kirsten Dunst scream for half an hour. But I had promised.

About halfway through the torture *ahem* the movie, I realized, with a sudden grinding in the gray matter, that as soon as the house lights came up, Youngest was going to ask me if I liked it and I would have to come up with something positive so as not to crush his tender spirit.

Me, thinking to myself: There's plenty of time to come up with something. Start thinking now. I have to use the bathroom. I wonder why the woman in front of me wore that sweater with those pants? 25, 26, 27 . . . 28 ceiling tiles widthwise times 40 ceiling tiles lengthwise equals . . . I really have to use the bathroom. We'll stop at the little market on the way home and I'll pick up some sausage--we'll have pasta for dinner. I wonder if it's still raining outside . . .

Youngest: "Hey, Mom, wasn't that a great movie?!"

Me: Oh no! I forgot to find something positive to say! Quick, think! The dialogue was fatuous. In fact, parts of it made no grammatical sense. Kirsten Dunst is completely miscast. Topher Grace did a fine job playing Eric Foreman. Again. Aunt May and dead Uncle Ben were just as tedious with their long, patronizing, salt-of-the-earth speeches in this movie as in the previous two. The death scene of the character we are supposed to care about was a protracted, saccharine insult. The plot functions were predictable. And abysmal. I find it odd that according to these movies there are only 5 black people in all of New York City: an assistant newspaper editor, a cop, and 3 light skinned 20something hotties. And I can already tell you exactly what Spiderman IV is going to be about and why and who is going to join forces with whom . . .

Me: "I'm so glad we got to see this together!"

Okay, so that was a partial lie. I am glad to have done something that was special for Youngest. I'm not at all happy that I dropped more than $20 for the something to be that particular movie. Oh well. He will always remember what a great afternoon it was with his mom. That's worth the price of a little lie.

5 comments:

whitenoise said...

Sometimes, it's all about making our loved ones happy. Duty calls... ;-)

Kristin said...

You know--I almost didn't post this. I'm not pleased with it as I haven't been pleased with anything I've turned out in the past month or so. However, I posted it anyway because of the point you just made--it's all about making our loved ones happy. A focus I need right now.

Rick said...

You made someone very happy! I will wait unti it comes out on video!

Kristin said...

oh no--Rick! Don't let my negativity stop you from seeing something if you were looking forward to it! It's really just not my genre. But I'm quite sure the impact is greater in the theater than at home.

Mary said...

It was a generous and loving gift you gave your son. For the youngest of a family, especially one with a big age spread, having Mom *alone* is pretty great stuff. Now if I can only be as accomodating when S asks if we can watch "Happy Feet". *shudder*

I'm sorry. I don't think I can do it. "Spiderman III" I can manage. "Happy Feet"? Dear God, please no . . .

You're a great mom, Kristin!