Number One, Calling from 300 Miles Away At School: Hi, Mom. Hey, when was my last tetanus shot?
Me, thinking to myself: WTF?
Number One: Yeah, ummm, the clinic here said I should call you and find out when my last tetanus shot was. Was it during the last 10 years?
Me: Yes, it was less than 10 years ago. Off the top of my head I can't remember the year, but I'm in the middle of something right now. Can I call you back in 10 minutes when I get home?
The Dude I'm "in the middle of something" With: Do you want fries with that?
Me: Don't panic. He's fine. It's not the emergency room calling, it's Number One calling. He's fine.
Me: What? Oh . . . ummm . . . no fries.
Ten minutes later, after returning home and remembering that I had Number One's immunization record in my wallet the whole time:
Me: Hey, Son. Your last shot was 6 years ago. So . . . do I get to know why?
Number One (as laughingly laid back as possible): I got a little tangled up in a barbed wire fence.
Number One: Remember I told you I went camping over the weekend with some friends?
Number One: So, we did a little rock climbing that evening.
Me: All your mathematical/engineering brains combined and it seemed like a good idea to climb sheer rock faces in the dark?
Number One: And then we decided to race back to our campsite.
Me: Why can't you be normal and have wild drunken parties that don't endanger your life?
Me (forcing an almost believable laugh): You were running in the dark in farm country?
Number One: Yeah--only there was a section of barbed wire fence that really wasn't where it should have been.
Me: Farming bastards! Putting their fences up where innocent (and possibly inebriated?) college boys might run into them while holding impromptu Olympic tryouts in the dark!
Me: Did you all get hurt?
Number One: No. Only me. I was way ahead of the others.
Me: That's my boy!
Number One: My friends saw my white t-shirt flipping over something so they stopped in time. We looked at my cuts (there was a little moonlight) and they didn't seem real deep. I cleaned the cuts out when we got back home on Sunday.
Me: So you're saying you just stayed out there camping until Sunday instead of seeking immediate medical attention?
Number One: Well it didn't hurt all that badly after awhile and I wasn't bleeding too much.
Me: Son, there are just some things I don't need to know.
Me: Son, there are just some things I don't need to know!
Number One: I know, Mom. I usually edit what I tell you, but this time I kinda had to tell you the whole story because of the tetanus thing.
Me: I am going to be the proudest mother in all the land when my son walks across the stage to accept his diploma for Stupid Things Guys Do Because They're Guys.