Friday, May 4, 2007

That Call I Received on Monday

Number One, Calling from 300 Miles Away At School: Hi, Mom. Hey, when was my last tetanus shot?

Me: What?

Me, thinking to myself: WTF?

Number One: Yeah, ummm, the clinic here said I should call you and find out when my last tetanus shot was. Was it during the last 10 years?

Me: Yes, it was less than 10 years ago. Off the top of my head I can't remember the year, but I'm in the middle of something right now. Can I call you back in 10 minutes when I get home?

The Dude I'm "in the middle of something" With: Do you want fries with that?

Me: Don't panic. He's fine. It's not the emergency room calling, it's Number One calling. He's fine.

Me: What? Oh . . . ummm . . . no fries.

Ten minutes later, after returning home and remembering that I had Number One's immunization record in my wallet the whole time:

Me: Hey, Son. Your last shot was 6 years ago. So . . . do I get to know why?

Number One (as laughingly laid back as possible): I got a little tangled up in a barbed wire fence.

Me: What?

Me: WTF?

Number One: Remember I told you I went camping over the weekend with some friends?

Me: Yeah.

Number One: So, we did a little rock climbing that evening.

Me: All your mathematical/engineering brains combined and it seemed like a good idea to climb sheer rock faces in the dark?

Number One: And then we decided to race back to our campsite.

Me: Why can't you be normal and have wild drunken parties that don't endanger your life?

Me (forcing an almost believable laugh): You were running in the dark in farm country?

Number One: Yeah--only there was a section of barbed wire fence that really wasn't where it should have been.

Me: Farming bastards! Putting their fences up where innocent (and possibly inebriated?) college boys might run into them while holding impromptu Olympic tryouts in the dark!

Me: Did you all get hurt?

Number One: No. Only me. I was way ahead of the others.

Me: That's my boy!

Number One: My friends saw my white t-shirt flipping over something so they stopped in time. We looked at my cuts (there was a little moonlight) and they didn't seem real deep. I cleaned the cuts out when we got back home on Sunday.

Me: So you're saying you just stayed out there camping until Sunday instead of seeking immediate medical attention?

Number One: Well it didn't hurt all that badly after awhile and I wasn't bleeding too much.

Me: Son, there are just some things I don't need to know.

Me: Son, there are just some things I don't need to know!

Number One: I know, Mom. I usually edit what I tell you, but this time I kinda had to tell you the whole story because of the tetanus thing.

Me: I am going to be the proudest mother in all the land when my son walks across the stage to accept his diploma for Stupid Things Guys Do Because They're Guys.


whitenoise said...

You should save these stories for when he joins the ranks of safe, staid, risk-adverse, responsible adult-hood. ('Course, don't tell him that he's probably having way more fun now in his extended adolescence.)

Rick said...

I love the part when the friends saw the white t-shirt flipping over something! Very funny!