Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Family "Planning"

Some weeks ago I was in a dollar store. [Incidentally, if you're detecting a hint of whitetrashiosis in my makeup--WalMart, sleeping in late, dollar store--you might be on to something. More about that some other time.] I'm not certain it's the law, but doesn't pretty much everything in the dollar store cost a dollar?

So, I'm standing in the check out line waiting and I take a glance at the impulse buy rack. It offers the usual last minute purchase items: candy, batteries, nail clippers, early pregnancy tests.

I literally laughed out loud. Early pregnancy tests on the impulse buy rack. This arrangement begs several questions:

1) What woman ever in the history of sex and pregnancy has uttered the phrase, "I think I'm pregnant. I should go to the dollar store to find out."

2) How many women go to the dollar store, carefully pick out a set of plastic tumblers, potpourri, soap, hairbrush, and as they pay for their items peruse the last chance bin and think to themselves, "Oh yes, that reminds me, my period is late. I should buy one of those tests."

3) Is a pregnancy test purchased at the dollar store--for A DOLLAR!--going to be reliably accurate? I'm just sayin' . . .

4) Why weren't condoms on the rack too? Wouldn't that actually be the better choice of impulse buy items? 'Cause if you didn't bother with the impulse condoms before the impulse sex, isn't the impulse pregnancy test kinda like shutting the barn door after the cows impulsively get out?

5) Maybe they used to offer dollar packs of condoms on that rack. Followed by recall. Followed by dollar pregnancy tests . . .

11 comments:

Geggie said...

I found you via blackbird. Great blog. I'll be reading you regularly now. Interestingly, I was in the dollar store earlier this week and I was shocked by the number of things that were NOT $1. Go figure.

clarice said...

ohh my gosh I am laughing soo hard, I almost peed. It is a good think I am wear panties ;)
Thanks for the laugh I needed. Missed you guys today. Clarice

CheekierMeSly said...

What happened to the newer post?

Kristin said...

Sorry, Cheek? Are you referring to whitetrashiosis? I'm not quite there yet. Still collecting material from my friends and lovely daughter : ) And it's hard to write when my tube top keeps shifting without permission . . .

Sheena said...

This was great. Especially since Cheek introduced me to the delights of Family Dollar last month.

Rob said...

Condoms might lead people into having sex.

Sex is bad.

Pregnancy tests tell people that they will have a baby.

Having babies is good.

See? Simple.

Of course you have to have sex in order to have a baby but the people who make up the rules don't like to think about that.

Mary said...

Just when I think it's safe to read your blog without spitting whatever beverage I'm drinking all over the monitor, you post something like this.

Thanks.

Kristin said...

Hey geggie and Sheena, thanks for stopping by : )

Clarice and Mary--you two are so good to me. Such ego boosters : )

rob, let me get this straight: these 3 little people who insist I nurture and love them are the result of *sex*? Now you tell me . . .

whitenoise said...

Yeah, it took us a while to figure out what was causing that, too.

Leigh Ann said...

I just found your blog and laughed out loud while reading this. I have to say I'm an actual dollar store - pregnancy test taker!

My girls and I always stocked up there back in the day when we were wanting to get preggo and taking five tests a day to confirm. They really do work!

Though our store used to keep them behind the counter and you had to ASK for them.

Fun finding you. Cheers! LA

Kristin said...

Hi, Leigh Ann--thanks for visiting!

So, those tests really do work? Now I know : )

And did you feel compelled to explain to the Dollar cashiers why you needed so many tests? ; )