Wednesday, March 7, 2007

The End

I am sick. Some flu-ish invader. Bluh. Before I head back to bed for, like, however long . . . I am internally pressured to offer the following post. A pressure that I don't understand. I'm not terribly connected with this post. I find it pedestrian. Sorry. But I have this weird thing about finishing things that I've started. At least it's over now : ) After today, there will be no more mention of my jeans. Chocolate, however, (never straying far from my thoughts) may continue to make appearances.

Apologetically:

"Jeans, can we maybe take a walk together? We need to talk."

"What do you mean, 'we need to talk'?"

"Well, you know, we've been together for a long time. We've certainly been through thick and thin together, that's for sure! heh . . . yeah . . . But, ummmmm, this is really hard for me to say . . . Jeans, it's like this: we've grown apart and I think it's time we begin to explore other options."

"What do you mean? I thought we were working on mending our relationship! What 'other options' are you talking about? Wait--is there someone else? Have you tried out a new pair of jeans?!"

"Ummm, well, kinda . . . I guess . . . "

"What?! When did this happen? Have you been shopping around?"

"It's not like that . . . "

"You mean I've been sitting here at home, waiting around for you, thinking you were doing all that working out for me and you've been . . . have you been . . . have you been 'inside' another pair of jeans?"

"Uh, it's just that . . . Oh Jeans, no, don't cry . . . come on now, don't let yourself come apart at the seams."

"Aren't I enough for you? Is it because I'm getting a little older and maybe I'm a little frayed at the edges? I know my complexion is a little faded, but I think I still look pretty good! Is it because I've got a few wrinkles? Because I'm not as fashionable as I used to be? Is it because I have some stretch marks? I didn't get those by myself, you know--it takes two to tango! I've given you all my support--what more could I have done for you?"

"Look, it's not you, it's me . . . "

" 'It's not you, it's me.' Are you kidding me? Who is it? Tell me! Is it someone I know? Is it True Religion? Is it Seven? It better not be Lucky!"

"No, Jeans, it's not like that. You and I weren't doing so well and I was out one day and saw this cute little pair . . . "

"Little? This cute "little" pair? Is it someone smaller than me!? You're dumping me for someone SMALLER?"

"Jeans . . . what can I say? The new pants and I just fit. We're a great pair. They're fun and new and exciting . . . "

"So, what, you're just going to use me up and toss me aside like an old rag? You'll come crawling back to me! I know you too well. You'll have your fun running around with "little cutie" but it won't be long and you'll find out how constricting someone smaller can be! You'll come to me, tail between your legs, begging me to take you back. And you know what? You can kiss my big blue ass!"

2 comments:

whitenoise said...

I thought it was good. ;-)

Kristin said...

My poor, underrated and unloved jeans thank you, whitenoise : )