Ten Days It's Sucked to be a Mom
10. That 3rd birth--the one where I refused to have another Cesarean and found out that 'regular' birth (and there's no other way I can think to describe this) hurts like crapping a brick. Sideways.
9. That 2nd birth--the one that wasn't an emergency c-section but the anesthetic wasn't quite working. Near as I can figure, that's how it feels to be trapped inside a slasher movie--strapped to a table while a psychopathic maniac (is that redundant? Doesn't matter--it's accurate!) tears through your bowels with a sharp instrument.
8. That 1st birth--the one that was an emergency c-section when I was 18 and terrified and I could even see the fear in my sturdy Mister's eyes . . .
7. When all the nebulous bits of evidence gelled and it became indisputable that Little Guy, great kid that he is, just doesn't have a head for books. *sigh*
6. Any day, any time over 21 years, that had to do with my kids' hurt feelings, broken trust, break ups, betrayal, abandonment, loss of friendship, getting left out . . .
5. Any night, any time during kids' teenagehood, when I wasn't quite sure where they were, when they'd be back or how I could get in touch with them . . .
4. That afternoon driving east on I 90, talking to Beautiful and getting a crystal clear view inside the workings of her mind and gaining an understanding of how amazing this girl really is. And suddenly wondering how I hadn't seen it before. Where the hell had I been? And next realizing, in one awful, crashing moment, how widely I had missed the mark with her all the previous 15 years and that there was no way to make up for that . . .
3. That awful night--that excruciating, stomach-churning night--when I witnessed firsthand the evidence to corroborate my long held suspicion that FT isn't quite up to being as good to Beautiful as she deserves.
2. That Tuesday afternoon when I had to call Number One and tell him his closest friend--his spiritual brother--had been killed in a car accident the night before.
1. That incomprehensible day when it became evident that Beautiful could forgive and go back to FT. And all that it implies for her future . . .